Gosh, its been two years since I wrote anything? Time is really slipping by fast.
I am writing this at the Rady's facility for physical therapy. This all stems from Coco wanting to get out of gym at school by saying her back hurt.
[the mother sitting next to me just signed something to her child; I think the blonde doing leg excercises on the machine. I don't know if its because parent and/or child are deaf, or because parents are strictly forbidden from talking while in the sitting area here -- I rule I earlier forgot about]
Anyways, Coco kept asking me for notes saying her back hurt so could she get out of sixth grade gym. After several such notes, the school said a doctor's note (not a parents) was necessary. Eventually we got her to a specialist, who noted that one leg was a centimeter longer than the other one.
The prescription was physical therapy, excercists, and eventually yoga or pilates. She needs to strenghen her "core."
The therapist has a couple other people, giving little attention to Coco. He tells her to do the excercists, and she is lying on the floor doing them. Simple excercises....stretch your legs to your chest here, lift your butt of the ground here....mostly just stretching. Coco is doing them quietly without complaint.
Which is very different whenever we try to do them at home. Coco's campaign of resisting doing anything is full blown. Vera was finally able to get a set in yesterday; it took over an hour and basicially exhausted her (Vera, not Coco). Coco complaining loudly,....
I am afraid the Coco's resistance campaign is more successful with me, as I generally give up trying after a while. This has been a general pattern in our relationship, one that does not give me pride or pleasure.
Coco with other adults is generally quiet, deferential, trying to do what is asked. She exudes a certain quiet shyness. Coco at home never exudes a quiet shyness.
Here's something else that seldom happens at home. Coco smiles at me and I give her a thumbs up. She is in a middle of a new exercise. Standing on one foot on a blue soft log-thing (about the width of a food), throwing a medium-small rubber ball with one hand off a bouncy angled surface and cathing it. She is supposed to throw and catch the ball 45 times. I would be keeping count except I am writing this.
[sweet blonde girl, alyssa's age?, is coming out to meet her mom who was signing to her earlier. She seems "special" though I have no real idea]
Coco did a similar exercise last time with a basketball. We have a basketball at home as well as a tiny trampoline Vera made me pick up from the curb a house down the hill, in order for her to perhaps do similar exercises at home. She has not. The trampoline has been put to use by the turtles (who rest under it in the shade) and the collie (who lies on it).
Coco is now lying on the table doing the "stretch your legs that have been tied together with ribbon" exercise. ....Now he is on hands and knees, stretching out opposite-side arm and leg front and back, alternating....
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Thursday, March 7, 2013
librarian on the run
I am subbing at my son's high school in the library, and as luck would have it, there is a class that is working on blogger to do classwork. Unfortunately, I have been so behind in keeping up with my own blogging that I find myself unable to help them upload articles and pictures. sigh.
Princess is having her own big test day at school. It is rainy. We just bought her a new bicycle. A robin egg blue Schwinn coaster. An impulse purchase. At a Kmart closing sale. Vera and I both looked at the bike and it just felt right, that it was the bike for her. It is big enough for me to ride (I did ride it on the way home before we decided to fit it in the car). It would hopefully get her outside more, and out of her room, camped on the floor in front of her computer. But even as we were wheeling it in the store (so no one else would grab it), we were thinking....does Princess really deserve this, or rather, we wish she was being nicer to us, and that she would be nice about getting a new bike, and not tease little sister about it, (but we had the sinking feeling that she would, and she did).
Anyways, I will attempt to search the internet for an comperable image of this bike, and upload it here.
went to kmart site, found this link
tried to right click and copy image, and control v
, well, its there, but tiny.
okay, download picture, click insert image
Princess is having her own big test day at school. It is rainy. We just bought her a new bicycle. A robin egg blue Schwinn coaster. An impulse purchase. At a Kmart closing sale. Vera and I both looked at the bike and it just felt right, that it was the bike for her. It is big enough for me to ride (I did ride it on the way home before we decided to fit it in the car). It would hopefully get her outside more, and out of her room, camped on the floor in front of her computer. But even as we were wheeling it in the store (so no one else would grab it), we were thinking....does Princess really deserve this, or rather, we wish she was being nicer to us, and that she would be nice about getting a new bike, and not tease little sister about it, (but we had the sinking feeling that she would, and she did).
Anyways, I will attempt to search the internet for an comperable image of this bike, and upload it here.
went to kmart site, found this link
tried to right click and copy image, and control v
, well, its there, but tiny.Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I am in the bedroom, listening to Queen's "We Will Rock You" play from Princess's room. She has been playing the same song, as is her wont, over and over again. I am enjoying it more than her standard diet of Keisha, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber etc. at least.
Went to the therapist again. I worked today, and was sleepy. Therapist has a very comfy couch. I warned her I might have trouble staying awake....
Princess drew an "Anger thermometer" with symptoms of good and bad levels of anger, and strategies to employ at the borderline to control temper tantrums. I need to look at it in more detail in her absence -- again, I was kinda sorta sleeping during the session, which was actually quite nice.
Princess is sweet at her sessions. She kind of puts on a sweet little girl persona, not exactly a mask, perhaps, but not what she usually shows at home, at least to me. When at home she becomes wild girl, or the one whose first words to me when I venture into her room are "go away."
Ah yes, new year, new blogging schedule. I need to just do this bit by bit, or as Anne Lamot would say, bird by bird....
Went to the therapist again. I worked today, and was sleepy. Therapist has a very comfy couch. I warned her I might have trouble staying awake....
Princess drew an "Anger thermometer" with symptoms of good and bad levels of anger, and strategies to employ at the borderline to control temper tantrums. I need to look at it in more detail in her absence -- again, I was kinda sorta sleeping during the session, which was actually quite nice.
Princess is sweet at her sessions. She kind of puts on a sweet little girl persona, not exactly a mask, perhaps, but not what she usually shows at home, at least to me. When at home she becomes wild girl, or the one whose first words to me when I venture into her room are "go away."
Ah yes, new year, new blogging schedule. I need to just do this bit by bit, or as Anne Lamot would say, bird by bird....
Sunday, December 2, 2012
tomorrow is the princess's tenth birthday
today, sunday, we had a party. It went well.
For a while I was afraid twenty people would show up and overwhelm us. Princess had xeroxed the invitations last week and took a bunch to school. I was mad.
Then we thought there might only be one person -- her current best friend.
As it turned out, two others came. One a fifth grader, the other in a 4/5 combo. Both girls were very polite, charming, quiet....quite unlike Princess, really (and her friend, who can be loud and wild too). Both the wife and I found that interesting.
We decorated pre-fab gingerbread houses from Ikea. The construction was not sturdy; the majority of houses collapsed at some point during the party. But the girls had a lot of fun. The wife took pictures of them working on the houses, quickly downloaded and worked up some pictures to tape to the back of ornaments as keepsakes.
We did not use the frozen chicken wings or the cans of pineapple that princess wanted to buy at the grocery store yesterday. We did use the sour worms.
All in all, a most successful party. Which didn't stop princess from yelling and slamming the door in my face after everyone had gone.
today, sunday, we had a party. It went well.
For a while I was afraid twenty people would show up and overwhelm us. Princess had xeroxed the invitations last week and took a bunch to school. I was mad.
Then we thought there might only be one person -- her current best friend.
As it turned out, two others came. One a fifth grader, the other in a 4/5 combo. Both girls were very polite, charming, quiet....quite unlike Princess, really (and her friend, who can be loud and wild too). Both the wife and I found that interesting.
We decorated pre-fab gingerbread houses from Ikea. The construction was not sturdy; the majority of houses collapsed at some point during the party. But the girls had a lot of fun. The wife took pictures of them working on the houses, quickly downloaded and worked up some pictures to tape to the back of ornaments as keepsakes.
We did not use the frozen chicken wings or the cans of pineapple that princess wanted to buy at the grocery store yesterday. We did use the sour worms.
All in all, a most successful party. Which didn't stop princess from yelling and slamming the door in my face after everyone had gone.
Monday, August 13, 2012
two months? two months?!!!
Has it been that long? Crap.
Lots of things have happened, yet lots of things remain....stubbornly the same.
I had made a pledge to our therapist to write at least once a day a few paragraphs.
I did write once, about my dad's record collection (it was an NPR thing)
This is the second time I have written.
Crap.
My wife is very pleased that I am writing. She doesn't like to see me in nonproductive guilty mode.
[break to take a bath on this painfully hot day]
We are seeing our therapist again today. Interesting meeting last week; she talked to me and my wife: Princess remained home.
She had observed notable differences in how Princess behaved with mom vs. dad. Basically, she listened to and deferred to mom; she made demands and generally got her own way with dad.
Also, Princess's crying episodes at therapy (the last one with me, she literally buried her head under the sofa pillow for most of the session, in what looked to me as an act of passive resistance to therapy), were only when I was around, not when Mom was.
I was supposed to write everyday, and read for pleasure three times. I guess I did the reading if you count blog reading and not book reading.
Grandma came over and helped us clean. Both princess and her sister now have rooms we can walk through. The rest of the house remains a challenge. Bloody heat.
Off to see our therapist now.....
Lots of things have happened, yet lots of things remain....stubbornly the same.
I had made a pledge to our therapist to write at least once a day a few paragraphs.
I did write once, about my dad's record collection (it was an NPR thing)
This is the second time I have written.
Crap.
My wife is very pleased that I am writing. She doesn't like to see me in nonproductive guilty mode.
[break to take a bath on this painfully hot day]
We are seeing our therapist again today. Interesting meeting last week; she talked to me and my wife: Princess remained home.
She had observed notable differences in how Princess behaved with mom vs. dad. Basically, she listened to and deferred to mom; she made demands and generally got her own way with dad.
Also, Princess's crying episodes at therapy (the last one with me, she literally buried her head under the sofa pillow for most of the session, in what looked to me as an act of passive resistance to therapy), were only when I was around, not when Mom was.
I was supposed to write everyday, and read for pleasure three times. I guess I did the reading if you count blog reading and not book reading.
Grandma came over and helped us clean. Both princess and her sister now have rooms we can walk through. The rest of the house remains a challenge. Bloody heat.
Off to see our therapist now.....
Monday, June 4, 2012
therapy, the princess cries
Writing this late at night after everyone is in bed.....
So today I and Princess had back to our Kay our intern therapist, the first time in a couple weeks. She welcomes us in, has us sit on the floor, takes out a small whiteboard, and colored markers. Princess and I are to make a mosaic with different colors representing different emotions. Yellow-happy. Blue-sad. Black-scared. Green-jealous. Red-as Princess correctly guessed, was mad.
Princess starts, and draws a somewhat elaborate drawing with the blue. I draw a simple star in yellow (thinking to start on a positive note: I was happy Princess wanted to go and was so well-behaved visiting her mom in prison). We all went through the various colors, with her drawings more complicated, mine more simple.
(the most striking drawing was a red angry heart, or rather two jagged edged heart halves.)
which, she explained, turned out to be nothing more than having to leave early and miss a television program she was watching. At least that was her explanation.
I drew a black square to represent fear from last night's temper tantrum (I really felt more scared than angry)
So we went through an excercise in which she would tell her side of the story of what led to the temper tantrum, and I would tell mine.
I went second; I retold that story I had already written about here.
Princess went first; she said she wanted to look something up on the computer while Little Sister was taking a bath; she thought it was okay since I didn't say right then to not go on the computer. Also she didn't say anything about hitting Little Sister, or attacking me prior to my turning off the television and her epic tantrum.
And then something pretty amazing happened. She started crying. Usually her emotions go from happy (evil laugh) to angry and defiant. Just crying unconsolably....I seldom see that. The therapist seems to change tack a bit and to concentrate on making her feel better, telling her to breathe, offering kleenex, taking some aquaphor and rubbing her hand an arm, putting on soothing music. Princess keeps crying, quietly. I offer to hug or hold her; she says no. She says she wants mommy.
Later, while Princess is out going to the bathroom, the therapist says this could actually be encouraging....that she is dealing with strong feelings, that they include feelings of guilt (not shame) and possibly remorse...an indication that perhaps Princess is developing a working conscience (my words). She says she will call me later to discuss what happened and what to do.
Princess stops crying by the time we get to the car. I offer to stop and get a snack at a place of her choice....she ends up taking me to the mall and getting a chinese kid's meal. She seems back to her regular, not always cooperative self by the time we get home.
So today I and Princess had back to our Kay our intern therapist, the first time in a couple weeks. She welcomes us in, has us sit on the floor, takes out a small whiteboard, and colored markers. Princess and I are to make a mosaic with different colors representing different emotions. Yellow-happy. Blue-sad. Black-scared. Green-jealous. Red-as Princess correctly guessed, was mad.
Princess starts, and draws a somewhat elaborate drawing with the blue. I draw a simple star in yellow (thinking to start on a positive note: I was happy Princess wanted to go and was so well-behaved visiting her mom in prison). We all went through the various colors, with her drawings more complicated, mine more simple.
(the most striking drawing was a red angry heart, or rather two jagged edged heart halves.)
which, she explained, turned out to be nothing more than having to leave early and miss a television program she was watching. At least that was her explanation.
I drew a black square to represent fear from last night's temper tantrum (I really felt more scared than angry)
So we went through an excercise in which she would tell her side of the story of what led to the temper tantrum, and I would tell mine.
I went second; I retold that story I had already written about here.
Princess went first; she said she wanted to look something up on the computer while Little Sister was taking a bath; she thought it was okay since I didn't say right then to not go on the computer. Also she didn't say anything about hitting Little Sister, or attacking me prior to my turning off the television and her epic tantrum.
And then something pretty amazing happened. She started crying. Usually her emotions go from happy (evil laugh) to angry and defiant. Just crying unconsolably....I seldom see that. The therapist seems to change tack a bit and to concentrate on making her feel better, telling her to breathe, offering kleenex, taking some aquaphor and rubbing her hand an arm, putting on soothing music. Princess keeps crying, quietly. I offer to hug or hold her; she says no. She says she wants mommy.
Later, while Princess is out going to the bathroom, the therapist says this could actually be encouraging....that she is dealing with strong feelings, that they include feelings of guilt (not shame) and possibly remorse...an indication that perhaps Princess is developing a working conscience (my words). She says she will call me later to discuss what happened and what to do.
Princess stops crying by the time we get to the car. I offer to stop and get a snack at a place of her choice....she ends up taking me to the mall and getting a chinese kid's meal. She seems back to her regular, not always cooperative self by the time we get home.
a close encounter with a murderer?
Well, an intresting day. Following events not necesarily in chronological order.
First to describe...., a temper tantrum. I am supposed to try to suss out warning signs on when it happens. So the sequence went something like
Princess is happy watching television by herself. Much of my day is spent dealing with her pouty whiny little sister.
At 8 in the evening or so princess is watching tv in the living room, little sister is watching a movie on netflix in the kitchen. I stop the movie with 25 minutes left, saying she could watch it after taking her bath. She takes her bath.
When little sister returns to the computer after her bath, she finds Princess there. I was not on top of them; Princess apparently slugs her in the arm. Purely a utilitarian slug, as far as I can tell; it stops little sister from bothering her as she runs to her room crying.
I try putting LS to bed, but no avail....I go back and evict Princess from the computer, saying I had promised the end of the movie to Little Sister.
Now Princess comes after me, while I am holding Little Sister in my arms. Then she goes back to the living room/television.
I am feeling upset, and also that her behavior shouldn't be allowed to stand or be rewarded with more tv. Also its bed time (close to 9). So I turn the tv off and tell her to GO TO YOUR ROOM.
And the tantrum comes in full-blossomed glory. Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair. I grasp her arms in a restraining hug. I drag her into her room and close the door. Bang bangety bang. I tentatively open the door several times, and close it to ward off flying objects.
Big brother comes and does his own version of Princess restraint. I am hurting she cries. I'm not hurting you, he insists, as he lies on top of her as I catch my breath.
She goes back into her room. More bangs. (I later see a computer keyboard with half its keys torn off). I go back to watch the movie with little sister. Princess later comes out, helps herself to a bowl of cereal, and turns the tv back on. I let it go.....
So, the thing is, aside from this one twenty minute or so tantrum, this was actually a pretty good day for her. I took her and little sister to a restaurant with a church group; they did quite well. She wasn't very productive in cleaning her room, but at least with quietly watching tv. While waiting for and visiting her mom at the jail, she was neither weepy or grumpy or giggly, just basically low-key
(one thing she did was work on a splinter or a scab or something on her ankle; she wouldn't let me touch it or look at it)
Also of interest is why she was at the computer in the first place. She was looking up this story
The jail visiting center was more busy than usual, and, unlike other days, there was an extra deputy there checking passes and ids for visitors. We were not at our usual spot at the end of the room; instead I saw an older black couple visiting who were obviously very emotional.
After talking with Princess a few minutes, I took the receiver; the biomom told me that the woman prisoner at the end was the wife of the above story who was in jail on suspicion of killing her husband and daughter -- a freshman who happened to go to the school our son attends.
She did not spell out exactly what she did to Princess, leaving it to me to decide how much to reveal to her. But her curiousity was aroused; Princess brought the subject up again the second time she talked to her.
So....after we got home...after the tantrum, after little sister was snuggled asleep, Princess asked me to snuggle her (second night in a row for that; it hadn't happened for months or years before)
And we had a conversation of sorts. She asked about guns, and how our neighborhood didn't have many guns. I said that wasn't necessarily true; there are gun stores in our town and several people have him. She noted that some people have guns for hunting, as opposed to bad things.
She had read at least some of article; she said it was bad for the mom to not have found another job; I agreed that finding a new job would have been far better than what happened....
I told her that killing is serious and and so many people are hurt when someone dies; I said this is why we are upset when she says in anger "I'm gonna kill you" or words to that affect....she kind of dismissed the charge..."I know you don't really mean that." She, I think, made an affirmative noise in response. I told her those were words that I never, never said to her and never will.
I asked if she wanted to pray for the family; she said no.
She said she knew the girl who was killed. We did meet some cheerleaders on one of the school's open house days; they even did a little cheer for us. But I am pretty sure they were not freshmen.
Am not sure how this will affect her in the long run.
I tried to leave the bed once, she grabbed my arm. Nice to be wanted.
First to describe...., a temper tantrum. I am supposed to try to suss out warning signs on when it happens. So the sequence went something like
Princess is happy watching television by herself. Much of my day is spent dealing with her pouty whiny little sister.
At 8 in the evening or so princess is watching tv in the living room, little sister is watching a movie on netflix in the kitchen. I stop the movie with 25 minutes left, saying she could watch it after taking her bath. She takes her bath.
When little sister returns to the computer after her bath, she finds Princess there. I was not on top of them; Princess apparently slugs her in the arm. Purely a utilitarian slug, as far as I can tell; it stops little sister from bothering her as she runs to her room crying.
I try putting LS to bed, but no avail....I go back and evict Princess from the computer, saying I had promised the end of the movie to Little Sister.
Now Princess comes after me, while I am holding Little Sister in my arms. Then she goes back to the living room/television.
I am feeling upset, and also that her behavior shouldn't be allowed to stand or be rewarded with more tv. Also its bed time (close to 9). So I turn the tv off and tell her to GO TO YOUR ROOM.
And the tantrum comes in full-blossomed glory. Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair. I grasp her arms in a restraining hug. I drag her into her room and close the door. Bang bangety bang. I tentatively open the door several times, and close it to ward off flying objects.
Big brother comes and does his own version of Princess restraint. I am hurting she cries. I'm not hurting you, he insists, as he lies on top of her as I catch my breath.
She goes back into her room. More bangs. (I later see a computer keyboard with half its keys torn off). I go back to watch the movie with little sister. Princess later comes out, helps herself to a bowl of cereal, and turns the tv back on. I let it go.....
So, the thing is, aside from this one twenty minute or so tantrum, this was actually a pretty good day for her. I took her and little sister to a restaurant with a church group; they did quite well. She wasn't very productive in cleaning her room, but at least with quietly watching tv. While waiting for and visiting her mom at the jail, she was neither weepy or grumpy or giggly, just basically low-key
(one thing she did was work on a splinter or a scab or something on her ankle; she wouldn't let me touch it or look at it)
Also of interest is why she was at the computer in the first place. She was looking up this story
The jail visiting center was more busy than usual, and, unlike other days, there was an extra deputy there checking passes and ids for visitors. We were not at our usual spot at the end of the room; instead I saw an older black couple visiting who were obviously very emotional.
After talking with Princess a few minutes, I took the receiver; the biomom told me that the woman prisoner at the end was the wife of the above story who was in jail on suspicion of killing her husband and daughter -- a freshman who happened to go to the school our son attends.
She did not spell out exactly what she did to Princess, leaving it to me to decide how much to reveal to her. But her curiousity was aroused; Princess brought the subject up again the second time she talked to her.
So....after we got home...after the tantrum, after little sister was snuggled asleep, Princess asked me to snuggle her (second night in a row for that; it hadn't happened for months or years before)
And we had a conversation of sorts. She asked about guns, and how our neighborhood didn't have many guns. I said that wasn't necessarily true; there are gun stores in our town and several people have him. She noted that some people have guns for hunting, as opposed to bad things.
She had read at least some of article; she said it was bad for the mom to not have found another job; I agreed that finding a new job would have been far better than what happened....
I told her that killing is serious and and so many people are hurt when someone dies; I said this is why we are upset when she says in anger "I'm gonna kill you" or words to that affect....she kind of dismissed the charge..."I know you don't really mean that." She, I think, made an affirmative noise in response. I told her those were words that I never, never said to her and never will.
I asked if she wanted to pray for the family; she said no.
She said she knew the girl who was killed. We did meet some cheerleaders on one of the school's open house days; they even did a little cheer for us. But I am pretty sure they were not freshmen.
Am not sure how this will affect her in the long run.
I tried to leave the bed once, she grabbed my arm. Nice to be wanted.
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