Okay, this probably counts as a more or less normal day, no major eruptions of tantrums.
Let us run through some good and bad things Princess did.
She got up when asked in the morning and took a bath. Good.
She erupted when I attempted to take Little Sister down to school by herself, screaming, throwing her pills on the floor, then taking one of her sister's shoes out of the van and hurling it down the street. not so good.
She did make it to school on time, and was happy to take the medicine after I brought it to school the second time. good.
When I picked the girls up, Little Sister was saying Princess had been mean to her; Princess responded by tattling that Little Sister had been mean to other girls. not so good
We had dinner at church (every wednesday that church serves dinner as a fellowship thing); the girls were both pretty good (with the caveat that Princess kind of grabbed all the remaining strawberries on the plate, but there wern't that many)
Then we played in the park. The girls played together....except for the spell in which Princess kept pushing Little Sister out of the way and making her sulk. not so good...
When I was alone with Prinncess, I asked her what her sister had done. She told me that she had been mean and bossy and pushy with her friends. I told her I was very glad to hear from her that she knew that being mean and bossy and pushy with friends was not a good thing. I am not sure how much sank in. I have a feeling that Princess understands that I am talking about her behavior as well, that what is bad for her sister also applies to her -- but that she is also trying very hard to hide that understanding from me. Not to officially acknowledge the lessons I am trying to impart.
Then the girls wanted to go to Macdonalds. When I said no, this led to ten or so minutes of repetitive screaming that they wanted to go to McDonalds. Not so good.
Princess also opened and leftover soup the nice church ladies had given us (they know we are in rather tight financial straits.....despite my imploring to at least wait unti we get home....not so good.
But Princess was very careful in opening up the soup, putting some of it in a cup in the car, then eating it with, um, an old hotel plastic card room key as a spoon (good? bad? just weird?)
Then she went home and retired to her room. When I wanted to enter her room to cross over to the garage to put leftover soup away, she said she would put it in the fridge herself. and she did.
The last I saw her, she was asleep in her bed, sideways, feet on the ottoman.
Just another day. She did threaten to kill me, at least once. And call me stupid, at least once I remember. But it was mostly an ok day.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
My temper and my habits
This morning I got out the 3 pills Princess takes in the morning, but she was in a defiant mood. "You need to take these," I say, holding them out. Her defiance was simple and direct. "No I don't," she said to my face. "I don't have to do anything." (I don't think she she verbalized "you're not the boss of me" this instance, but the sentiment was there.
This isn't princess being whiny, or angry. This is her giggling, revelling in her rebellion.
And I snapped, and yelled at her. I am ashamed to write that now, but that's what I did. She ran into her mother's arms crying after my tirade. Giggly defiance gone, for a moment.
Did she take the pills? She took them....into her room and shut the door on me; she either took the pills or dropped them on the floor.
This is a basic conundrum I have yet to crack. What does one do when one's children simply choose to ignore and defy what you say. When even implementing punishments and consequences depends on basic responses to your commands (go to your room). Whole books have been written about this. And how to deal with the personal feelings I feel rising up within me incredibly quickly, feelings of rage and futility. I suppose those feelings are simmering within me almost all the time; I just find ways to ignore them or distract myself from feeling them. But then they pop out and I am unable to control my impulses.
I can't say never, but I don't hit people. Usually my outbursts are verbal.
In other words, I yell alot. Like I remember my own mom (not my dad) doing.
And unfortunately, both Princess and Litte Sister have picked up on my example, making yelling a way too common thing in this household.
But, despite this, the morning went relativey smoothly, and we made it to school on time, even early. I walked in with the girls; they both got their reduced-price breakfast. Princess picked out Pizza for breakfast. She took one bite, and eventually through the rest away. Another unfortunate habit we are trying to break.
But she didn't want me to leave before school started. It is one of the few times that she asks me to stay, not to go. I find it very hard to turn her down; a happy string plucks in my heart when she asks "daddy, please don't leave," My daughter still wants me, or doesn't find me awful to have around all the time. Kind of pitiful a bit, when I think about it.
Speaking of habits, my wife wanted to share something she heard on the radio or somewhere. Where do habits come from. They come from people, things, times, mental states.
My habit of reading things (used to be sports pages, now its political websites, mostly) come from anxiety.
Her habit of watching tv derives from wanting to spend quiet time with me.
Must think.....how to cultivate better habits in mysef, and in my girls.....
This isn't princess being whiny, or angry. This is her giggling, revelling in her rebellion.
And I snapped, and yelled at her. I am ashamed to write that now, but that's what I did. She ran into her mother's arms crying after my tirade. Giggly defiance gone, for a moment.
Did she take the pills? She took them....into her room and shut the door on me; she either took the pills or dropped them on the floor.
This is a basic conundrum I have yet to crack. What does one do when one's children simply choose to ignore and defy what you say. When even implementing punishments and consequences depends on basic responses to your commands (go to your room). Whole books have been written about this. And how to deal with the personal feelings I feel rising up within me incredibly quickly, feelings of rage and futility. I suppose those feelings are simmering within me almost all the time; I just find ways to ignore them or distract myself from feeling them. But then they pop out and I am unable to control my impulses.
I can't say never, but I don't hit people. Usually my outbursts are verbal.
In other words, I yell alot. Like I remember my own mom (not my dad) doing.
And unfortunately, both Princess and Litte Sister have picked up on my example, making yelling a way too common thing in this household.
But, despite this, the morning went relativey smoothly, and we made it to school on time, even early. I walked in with the girls; they both got their reduced-price breakfast. Princess picked out Pizza for breakfast. She took one bite, and eventually through the rest away. Another unfortunate habit we are trying to break.
But she didn't want me to leave before school started. It is one of the few times that she asks me to stay, not to go. I find it very hard to turn her down; a happy string plucks in my heart when she asks "daddy, please don't leave," My daughter still wants me, or doesn't find me awful to have around all the time. Kind of pitiful a bit, when I think about it.
Speaking of habits, my wife wanted to share something she heard on the radio or somewhere. Where do habits come from. They come from people, things, times, mental states.
My habit of reading things (used to be sports pages, now its political websites, mostly) come from anxiety.
Her habit of watching tv derives from wanting to spend quiet time with me.
Must think.....how to cultivate better habits in mysef, and in my girls.....
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
princess art cont.
Okay, lets try again with the Princess art.
ok, its sideways, I'm still getting the hang of this, but asyou can see, it is a scanned picture of a giraffe.
What, you don't think it is a giraffe. Actually, look at it again, think of it as the giraffe's head, and remember that giraffe's do indeed have very long tongues.
ok, its sideways, I'm still getting the hang of this, but asyou can see, it is a scanned picture of a giraffe.
What, you don't think it is a giraffe. Actually, look at it again, think of it as the giraffe's head, and remember that giraffe's do indeed have very long tongues.
Princess only pinched me once today.
It was conflict over the living room. Princess had cleared stuff out to make a dance floor, and was dancing some "Space Musical" songs with Little Sis. Then she temporariy abandoned the room, and I was actually succeeding in my effort for LS to finish her homework (modify her Leprachuan trap to make it a trap, then write a few sentences on what it was and how it worked). Just as LS was finishing her mini-essay, Princess wanted her dance space back. So Yell and pinch.
Bad news....I yelled and walked off, essentially caving. But LS did finish her homework. And that was the only real outburst/tantrum of the evening. So perhaps good news there.
Earlier I had watched Princess and Little Sis dance. Princess was the announcer, the CD player operator, and the choreographer. They had an actual routine, and Princess let LS take turns with moves of her own. They both are into cheer and dance. The weird thing is we have had a very spotty record taking Princess to dance and cheer classes.....the basic hypothesis we have is that Princess likes to dance, but doesn't like being told what to do, and many dance/cheer classes are essentialy having someone else tell you exactly what to do.
Anyways, so Princess is not learning dances from classes at the moment...rather from whatever she's doing in afterschool program, from Wii dance games, and what she sees on television and youtube.
It was conflict over the living room. Princess had cleared stuff out to make a dance floor, and was dancing some "Space Musical" songs with Little Sis. Then she temporariy abandoned the room, and I was actually succeeding in my effort for LS to finish her homework (modify her Leprachuan trap to make it a trap, then write a few sentences on what it was and how it worked). Just as LS was finishing her mini-essay, Princess wanted her dance space back. So Yell and pinch.
Bad news....I yelled and walked off, essentially caving. But LS did finish her homework. And that was the only real outburst/tantrum of the evening. So perhaps good news there.
Earlier I had watched Princess and Little Sis dance. Princess was the announcer, the CD player operator, and the choreographer. They had an actual routine, and Princess let LS take turns with moves of her own. They both are into cheer and dance. The weird thing is we have had a very spotty record taking Princess to dance and cheer classes.....the basic hypothesis we have is that Princess likes to dance, but doesn't like being told what to do, and many dance/cheer classes are essentialy having someone else tell you exactly what to do.
Anyways, so Princess is not learning dances from classes at the moment...rather from whatever she's doing in afterschool program, from Wii dance games, and what she sees on television and youtube.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
princess art
I will now attempt to import some artwork created by the princess.
Attempt failed....I have three pictures in my computer, but they are pdf files, not image files. They look really good, though.
Attempt failed....I have three pictures in my computer, but they are pdf files, not image files. They look really good, though.
this and that
It is 10 o clock, but it is Saturday; the princess is in her room....the computer either is not sleeping as much and needing me to feed her password, or she has figured out what the password is.
I really don't want to know.
That is part of my problem, I think....I resort too much to ostrich/head in ground position, not wanting to delve too deep into what Princess is doing for fear that I would have to confront something awful.
The last sentence looks bad when I read it. Sigh.
This evening I made a batch of pre-icecream (needs chilling before we bring out the Kitchenaid ice cream attachment), but I focused on the kitchen task, and not on the girls, who were playing (mostly nicely) with each other (the boy was with friends). My wife would have involved the girls more; she has the knack of involving them in what she is doing, making it fun for them. Me, I just wanted to work in the kitchen and leave the girls to their own devices. I fear that I am continually making choices about not engaging or deaing with the kids, especially Princess, who becomes angry/scary often when being told what to do (and often nasty if I just want to talk).
Damn, the last sentence again makes me wince a little bit.
Today she had a violent tantrum, which wasn't really a screaming tantrum, but violence directed at her little sister for telling us......something that I now forget, but something she was not supposed to be doing. It could have been anger at her sister for lying about her, or about telling the truth.....sometimes it is hard to discern the difference.
So for ten or fifteen minutes the wife and I were trying to shield/protect little sister while princess was rampage, or a purposeful intimidation. Had to restrain her several times. Be called stupid numerous times.
I really end up emotionally numb after these violent outbursts.
It was twelve hours ago
I really don't want to know.
That is part of my problem, I think....I resort too much to ostrich/head in ground position, not wanting to delve too deep into what Princess is doing for fear that I would have to confront something awful.
The last sentence looks bad when I read it. Sigh.
This evening I made a batch of pre-icecream (needs chilling before we bring out the Kitchenaid ice cream attachment), but I focused on the kitchen task, and not on the girls, who were playing (mostly nicely) with each other (the boy was with friends). My wife would have involved the girls more; she has the knack of involving them in what she is doing, making it fun for them. Me, I just wanted to work in the kitchen and leave the girls to their own devices. I fear that I am continually making choices about not engaging or deaing with the kids, especially Princess, who becomes angry/scary often when being told what to do (and often nasty if I just want to talk).
Damn, the last sentence again makes me wince a little bit.
Today she had a violent tantrum, which wasn't really a screaming tantrum, but violence directed at her little sister for telling us......something that I now forget, but something she was not supposed to be doing. It could have been anger at her sister for lying about her, or about telling the truth.....sometimes it is hard to discern the difference.
So for ten or fifteen minutes the wife and I were trying to shield/protect little sister while princess was rampage, or a purposeful intimidation. Had to restrain her several times. Be called stupid numerous times.
I really end up emotionally numb after these violent outbursts.
It was twelve hours ago
Friday, March 9, 2012
friday night...a normal voice
Fringe isn't on tonight, so my princess and I are spared an argument on the tv. It is friday night, so I am letting her sit on the sofa and watch the somewhat obnoxious Disney channel.
Princess is eating an orange icee, made by her and us. She and I actually kind of worked together in the kitchen when I took the blender out to make some shakes (lots of old bananas to use up). Looked up recipes on the internet. After making a chocolate/banana shake for myself, princess wanted to make an orange/banana smoothie. We found a recipe in which we had all the ingredients (oranges, bananas, sugar, salt, milk, ice cubes -- missing only the vanilla yogurt).... when it was done, she poured it all to herself, resisitng my entreaties to share. But we were actually working togehter in a mostly civil way in the kitchen so I am counting that as good......
later, she wanted an orange icee....My attempt wasn't icee enough (too smoothie; she went and crushed 20-30 ice cubes in the blender to add to the overly smooth orange drink I made......
Princess is making occasional comments on the tv show (austin and ally) right now as I write and she drinks her orange icee. . Nothing profound....it is just that it is one of the few times she talks to me in a normal conversational voice. Most of the time she uses loud angry offended voice....other times she uses whiny pleading/begging voice. I treasure the times she talks to me with what is, for most regular people, a regular normal voice.
Princess is eating an orange icee, made by her and us. She and I actually kind of worked together in the kitchen when I took the blender out to make some shakes (lots of old bananas to use up). Looked up recipes on the internet. After making a chocolate/banana shake for myself, princess wanted to make an orange/banana smoothie. We found a recipe in which we had all the ingredients (oranges, bananas, sugar, salt, milk, ice cubes -- missing only the vanilla yogurt).... when it was done, she poured it all to herself, resisitng my entreaties to share. But we were actually working togehter in a mostly civil way in the kitchen so I am counting that as good......
later, she wanted an orange icee....My attempt wasn't icee enough (too smoothie; she went and crushed 20-30 ice cubes in the blender to add to the overly smooth orange drink I made......
Princess is making occasional comments on the tv show (austin and ally) right now as I write and she drinks her orange icee. . Nothing profound....it is just that it is one of the few times she talks to me in a normal conversational voice. Most of the time she uses loud angry offended voice....other times she uses whiny pleading/begging voice. I treasure the times she talks to me with what is, for most regular people, a regular normal voice.
a few minutes of peace
I shoudn't wait until the last minute to pick up my bipolar princess (and little sister) from school (actually, the afterschool program). It is 5;16; I should have gone an hour or two or three ago.
But most days this tired single parent waits until the last minute to pick up the girls at 6 treasuring moments of peace and silence, even if I do not get as many things done as I should.
Yesterday waiting until the last minute (in my defense, I was busy installing kitchen cabinetry shelving) almost backfired when our dog dashed out of the garage. I had to catch and wrestle the dog into the car and drive directly to school to pick up the girls by 6 (being minutes late can be really expensive).
My wife says I should bring snack and her evening medications with me; that has helped I think when I remember to do it.
This morning, my princess yelled at me when I went to tell her it was time to get up.
That was most of our intereaction. The other was when I dropped her off at school; she said she left her Math homework sheets at home; I told her I would look for it.
I did. Her room was messy, and it was scattered with various sheets and litter. Harmony has a habit of emptying her school backpack by simply holding it upside down and shaking it. In the car, or at home.
I did not find the specific sheet she was looking for, based on the homework schedule her teacher posted online.
So, now it is time to pick her up; I am predicting she will be mad at me for not delivering her homework to school like I was supposed to.
Better go get the snacks and meds.
But most days this tired single parent waits until the last minute to pick up the girls at 6 treasuring moments of peace and silence, even if I do not get as many things done as I should.
Yesterday waiting until the last minute (in my defense, I was busy installing kitchen cabinetry shelving) almost backfired when our dog dashed out of the garage. I had to catch and wrestle the dog into the car and drive directly to school to pick up the girls by 6 (being minutes late can be really expensive).
My wife says I should bring snack and her evening medications with me; that has helped I think when I remember to do it.
This morning, my princess yelled at me when I went to tell her it was time to get up.
That was most of our intereaction. The other was when I dropped her off at school; she said she left her Math homework sheets at home; I told her I would look for it.
I did. Her room was messy, and it was scattered with various sheets and litter. Harmony has a habit of emptying her school backpack by simply holding it upside down and shaking it. In the car, or at home.
I did not find the specific sheet she was looking for, based on the homework schedule her teacher posted online.
So, now it is time to pick her up; I am predicting she will be mad at me for not delivering her homework to school like I was supposed to.
Better go get the snacks and meds.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
day the second
Well, its been a busy long day. It is 10:25 at night, little sister and big brother are both in bed, and my princess is still watching tv on her computer. I should lay the law down and turn the computer off....in fact. that is what I will do this second.
Ok, so I didn't. I turned the lights off, the volume down. I didn't turn the computer off. Harmony was lying in bed with the dog, and yelled "nooooooo" so I didn't. This, unfortunately, is a pattern.
The day began okay; Harmony is actually quite less grumpy and more cooperative than her sister or brother first thing in the morning. Which means when you ask her to get up and take a bath, she actually gets up and takes a bath.
While getting ready for school, I tried to engage in conversation about her afterschool arts program, which was having an open house this evening. It went like this.
"What art are you showing at tonight's program?"
"I don't know."
What art do you think you might be showing at tonight's program?"
"I don't know."
"What kinds of art have you done in class, that I might see tonight.
"I don't know."
Then she took a lunch bag of food from the fridge. I was going to let her get away with it. Not so Mom, who insisted on seeing it. It had a prepackaged chicken ceasar salad with her name/label taped on it. And apples, and a container of raspberries. "You can't have all of this." my wife exclaimed. Harmony yelled and bewailed, but eventually settled for just the salad.
My wife wants to lock the kitchen. My princess is constantly raiding and taking food, which we then find, half eaten, in her room or the living room. Tonight she was raising apples, and asking me to peel an orange. She rejected my first orange; it was peeled in the wrong way. Food is an ongoing issue with us.
It is eleven oclock. My wife is home from work. Harmony is ....sleeping. I turn the computer off. I find it easier to do such things when my princess is asleep.
Ok, so I didn't. I turned the lights off, the volume down. I didn't turn the computer off. Harmony was lying in bed with the dog, and yelled "nooooooo" so I didn't. This, unfortunately, is a pattern.
The day began okay; Harmony is actually quite less grumpy and more cooperative than her sister or brother first thing in the morning. Which means when you ask her to get up and take a bath, she actually gets up and takes a bath.
While getting ready for school, I tried to engage in conversation about her afterschool arts program, which was having an open house this evening. It went like this.
"What art are you showing at tonight's program?"
"I don't know."
What art do you think you might be showing at tonight's program?"
"I don't know."
"What kinds of art have you done in class, that I might see tonight.
"I don't know."
Then she took a lunch bag of food from the fridge. I was going to let her get away with it. Not so Mom, who insisted on seeing it. It had a prepackaged chicken ceasar salad with her name/label taped on it. And apples, and a container of raspberries. "You can't have all of this." my wife exclaimed. Harmony yelled and bewailed, but eventually settled for just the salad.
My wife wants to lock the kitchen. My princess is constantly raiding and taking food, which we then find, half eaten, in her room or the living room. Tonight she was raising apples, and asking me to peel an orange. She rejected my first orange; it was peeled in the wrong way. Food is an ongoing issue with us.
It is eleven oclock. My wife is home from work. Harmony is ....sleeping. I turn the computer off. I find it easier to do such things when my princess is asleep.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
March 7, 10:09 Pm
The genesis of this blog is twofold
One is a challenge my wife threw down to me this morning (for the 38th time or so)...is to write, bill, write. You waste too much time reading blogs on the web; you need to write instead.
She's right, of course.
Of course, reading blogs is like skiing downhill; writing is like climbing up hill with no chairlift or rope tow. You work so hard to achieve so little.
The other challenge behind this blog is my daughter, the bipolar princess.
Much like I am avoiding the act of writing, I am also avoiding the act of meaningful interaction with my daughter. This is in large part because said interaction has become extremely frustrating. An average encounter involves yelling and borderline rudeness. A below average encounter involves her kicking and screaming and pulling my hair. A really below average encounter involves yelling and shouting and pulling her hair.
My girl has been diagnosed with emerging bipolar disorder.
And ADHD.
And she can be really, really, mean.
There are times when I feel like an abused, battered spouse after below-average encounters.
Her teachers like her.
When I drop her off at school, sometimes she heads for a group of friends and becomes Ms. Popularity, or at least Ms. Cool to Be Around.
Sometimes she insists on me walking with her to the classroom. I honestly do not know why.
She likes to dance. She likes Katy Perry. and Hannah Montana.
She likes makeup.
She doesn't like to go to church.
She steals our money.
She is nine years old.
The genesis of this blog is twofold
One is a challenge my wife threw down to me this morning (for the 38th time or so)...is to write, bill, write. You waste too much time reading blogs on the web; you need to write instead.
She's right, of course.
Of course, reading blogs is like skiing downhill; writing is like climbing up hill with no chairlift or rope tow. You work so hard to achieve so little.
The other challenge behind this blog is my daughter, the bipolar princess.
Much like I am avoiding the act of writing, I am also avoiding the act of meaningful interaction with my daughter. This is in large part because said interaction has become extremely frustrating. An average encounter involves yelling and borderline rudeness. A below average encounter involves her kicking and screaming and pulling my hair. A really below average encounter involves yelling and shouting and pulling her hair.
My girl has been diagnosed with emerging bipolar disorder.
And ADHD.
And she can be really, really, mean.
There are times when I feel like an abused, battered spouse after below-average encounters.
Her teachers like her.
When I drop her off at school, sometimes she heads for a group of friends and becomes Ms. Popularity, or at least Ms. Cool to Be Around.
Sometimes she insists on me walking with her to the classroom. I honestly do not know why.
She likes to dance. She likes Katy Perry. and Hannah Montana.
She likes makeup.
She doesn't like to go to church.
She steals our money.
She is nine years old.
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